Bet you didn’t know that Liberal Tears tasted so great or that they had contained so much caffeine. Well, these tears are not harvested from just any Liberals. We stay away from the acidic tears of CA, IL, DC and MA.
We also avoid tears from places like Detroit where the water sucks. We only curate tears from millennial coffee shop baristas in the heartland.
Tears are usually harvested just moments after a POTUS State of the Union to preserve freshness.